RNC THOUGHTS

What a great convention for the Republican ticket. McCain and Palin are such mavericks, like two egotistical peas in a narcissistic pod.

Here are my quick hits on the week that was.

McCain is a hero, that’s a given, but the story lost its force when it was his turn to relay it since I had already heard it 80 times prior to his speech. McCain and his story of horrendous incessant torture forces us to look at torture in a new light. McCain’s party legalized torture; the same torture that nearly took his life is currently being carried out, legally mind you, by our government. McCain does not hate war like he claims, he loves it- because without war McCain would not be McCain. The way he whores out his story makes pimps everywhere jealous. He claims that his experience in Hanoi made him realize how great his country was- WOW. It took THIS, for you to realize your country was great, how shallow and vainglorious were you. I think the entire Republican Party now owes Michelle Obama an apology. We forget that McCain was captured while bombing Vietnam during an unjust war, just like the one we are entrenched in today. If this experience changed him so magnificently then why is he allowing thousands of his fellow citizens to go through similar experiences? The neurotransmitters in McCain’s head must have some switched circuits because he doesn’t see that his status as war hero does not allow him the right to monger for more wars.

This is my gay moment, but apparently the no white after Labor Day rule doesn’t apply to Laura Bush.

The saving grace for Sarah Palin is that she is “just like us,” that our neighbor’s live lives just like her. I DON’T WANT LEADERS LIKE ME OR MY NEIGHBORS, OUR LEADERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER. I don’t want a woman with a broadcasting degree from Idaho; I want the Kennedy’s. I want a Rhode’s scholar a la Clinton. I don’t want politicians that I can relate to, because as a person I am pretty shitty, I want politicians I revere and look up to. I don’t want anyone to feel like they can be president; I want only the best, a select few, to dream that high, not the ‘tards in the back of the classroom eating paint chips.
The crowd at the RNC was soooooooooo old. It looked like an arthritis advertisement, Tylenol must have sold out in the Twin Cities. They must have had about 100 defibrillators in the lobby at the ready.

I feel bad for Levi “Baby Daddy” Johnston. He was just trying to get some strange and ended up with a forced marriage. Will someone tell Levi and Bristol that they are allowed to cease the hand holding for a second, or did the secret service surgically attach their palms in an effort to feign true love.

I am happy Bobby Jindal escaped Guantanamo bay with Harold in time to help New Orleans brace itself against Gustav. Too bad it took Katrina for you to realize that some people in this country may need help; 3 years too late you fuck.

Not since Woody Allen slept with his adopted daughter has a man fucked something previously sacred to him like Leiberman fucked the Democratic Party this week.
Unbiased Alert: Fred Thompson should have been the nominee- great speaker and great jabs at Obama. He was the heir apparent to Reagan, not the bag of flour we call McCain. Too bad he treated the primaries like a Law and Order rehearsal.
How can independents vote McCain when the Repub base did not support him until he picked Palin?

Sarah Palin took over the convention- I felt like she was the presidential candidate, weird vibe. Why would PTA Palin castigate Obama’s experience as a community organizer? Listen here bitch- a city organizer in Chicago does a lot more than a mayor in Shitsville, Alaska. While Obama was dealing with crime- organized and otherwise, health care, and a job crisis; you were bringing in a Wal-Mart and issuing fishing licenses to toothless gold miners.

Rudy Guliani went from America’s unifying force during 9-11 to a despicable divisive force that uses that tragic event as a platform. If Guliani and Leiberman had a child the devil would have a sibling. Rudy is a wretched piece of horse shit devoid of any and all shame; if he was a prostitute he would be in airport bathrooms getting fisted while Larry Craig watched with glee. His speech was more akin to a Klan rally than to a political convention. Of course this is the Republican Party so an attempt to emulate the Klan may have been premeditated.

All the Republicans kept telling me that they were taking off their Republican hats and putting on their American hats….no wonder the deficit is what it is Bush made 10 million Republican hats and passed them around…the Democrats are fiscally responsible, I don’t have a single Dem hat.

Palin claiming that her curriculum vitae makes her ready to take over for McCain whenever he kicks the bucket housing his list is like the valedictorian of summer school trying to get admitted to Harvard.

I am not calling Palin a racist, but I wonder, since she is from a small town in Alaska- Has she ever seen a person of color prior to joining us here on the mainland? Other than the Inuits, Eskimo, and Carlos Boozer; are there any minorities in that great state?

The Repubs love to point to Palin’s 80% approval rating as an example of her infinite wisdom and as a concrete example of her power to lead- which is a valid argument to make. But let’s juxtapose that with the approval rate of the current administration- what does that say Repubs….What, you don’t think that’s relevant…..Ok, guys go back to your fantasy land of Reagan worship, war mongering, and bible thumping. Republicans are the sole reason I am happy the gun laws are so lax- it allows me the right to protect myself against their psychosis.

Every McCain sentence started with “We need to do this,” but it never told us how he planned on doing the things we needed done. More policy and less Hanoi stories; I beg you. I am truly in debt to your service and feel horrible for the pain you endured to ensure my right to write this. But how is that story going to bring me health insurance, how is that story going to keep us out of future wars, and how does that story make you more qualified than Obama. IT DOESN’T.

McCain should contract out his speeches, because he should never be permitted to stand at a lectern again. He should pay someone else to speak on his behalf, maybe Morgan Freeman, because he made me hate the English language last night. Watching McCain speak was as uncomfortable as watching a rape.
Having the evil reticence of Karl Rove analyze politics on a fair and balanced, un-biased ‘cough, cough,’ news organization like The Fox News Network is like having Jeffrey Dahmer rate restaurants for Zagat.

All this tough talk by McCain and his retinue did not leave me feeling patriotic or safe; I am worried that if they win ,we will war more. I am scared that they will lead us into another conflict that doesn’t perpetuate safety but only serves to expose the neoconservative conspiracy to perpetuate American cultural and economic imperialism. This convention and the Republican Party as a whole is attempting, through politics and culture, to ensnare ordinary people in a giant web of nationhood pretending to a common interest- even though the interest are inherently uncommon.

I need a political break after these aforementioned 2 weeks. I may have to go bang a librarian to relieve some of this Sarah Palin hatred I feel. Oh yeah, did you here that Star Jones is dating a chef- a gourmet cook. Herb Wilson, the executive chef at Manhattan’s Sohoand Tribeca Grand hotels is Star’s new swain. That would be like me dating one of Patron’s daughters or Manuela Escobar.

P.S. If anyone actually reads the drivel I write please vote; because if Obama loses I will blame the entire apathetic 18-29 demograpghic while I book a one way ticket to Brazil.

Hasta