9-11

I am not obediently taking my seat at the Republican table. I am not a spoke in the wheel the government is currently spinning us on. I am not a passive, blind, uneducated, flaccid acceptor of the lies handed down to me from political parties, media, biased textbooks and teachers, or God shrouded behind a preacher’s robe. I am not running their rat race; because even if I win, I’m still a fucking rat.

September 11th has become a badge of honor sewn onto the shirts of the members of the Republican Party. September 11th has become the Nike swoosh, except in lieu of Just Do It the slogan reads Democrats Are Such Humongous Pussies That If They Were Elected 9-11 Would Become The Norm. 9-11 is this imaginary badge of courage the Repubs flash when they can’t compensate in any other way for their deficiencies.

What do you do if your policies are outdated and as retarded as Corky from Life Goes On….evoke 9-11.

What do you do if you’re the worst president this country has ever seen and you are running for reelection….talk like a cowboy about 9-11.

What do you do if you are a lisp inflicted Mayor that sat on his hands and enacted zero anti terror mandates, and placed the headquarters of your terrorism task force in the same twin towers that the task force was assembled to protect……bring up 9-11 so much that Bin Laden gets jealous because you are stealing his claim to fame.

What do you do if you are a 72 year old former POW and the only thing that can invigorate your base, short of you stepping aside, is to nominate a racist, retard producing, misogynistic, hill-billy from Wasilla, Alaska……….you nominate that bitch and you do nothing but bring up 9-11 and your experience as a failed soldier in an attempt to convince idiot America that you are their long lost savior.

Republicans claim that we are safer when they are at the helm, that the Dems would allow terror attacks to hit our country in droves. All of a sudden these conniving crooked politicians find clairvoyance and develop a connection to the great unknown. Lest we forget 9-11 happened while the Republicans were in office, except somehow the buck stopped at the desk of the Dems. Claiming that the Democrats could not prevent an attack is futile when YOU did not prevent the original attack.

9-11 meant so much to my generation, because it crushed us for the first time. 9-11 was the first life altering event that we had ever experienced. We had grown up during the glorious Clinton years and thought that the peace we were experiencing was everlasting. We thought that our tranquility was manifest, not man made. We thought that America protected us, when it was us that had to protect her. The after effects of 9-11 saw unity that today seems unfathomable. 9-11 was not a political battle cry for the religious right….the same religious right that claimed it was God’s vengeance for homosexuality. 9-11 birthed a new level of love of country; and most of us did everything in our power to soothe our injured America and nurse her back to full strength. We looked to our leader to guide us, to give our zeal an outlet. Our leader, George Bush told us to shop. SHOP! He initiated the branding of 9-11 for his party, and now it does not evoke that sense of national pride, it has become an advertisement for the Republican Party.

We need to steal back 9-11. It is not the property of The Republican Party or The Democratic Party. 9-11 is our scar as a nation. 9-11 is not a political devise to divide my 50 year old neighbor and me because we differ politically. It is the most non-partisan issue in existence. 9-11 is not ambiguous like abortion, global warming, or stem cell research; it is the most concrete issue in this country. Even though the Republican Party continually paints 9-11 rouge, it is not red. Fuck, it’s not blue; it is red, white, and blue. We want it back. 9-11 is not a political strategy a la Willie Horton, because political strategy is forgotten, as evidenced by the amount of you that just Googled Willie Horton. 9-11 is not equivalent to Palin’s poor Downs syndrome inflicted child; a political tool used to drum up support. 9-11 is the source of my heartache as an American and where I find pride in the country that I love. I want it back, you slimy fucks. I don’t want 9-11 dirtied by all the filth underneath your fingernails. It belongs to the citizens of this country, not to a political party. GIVE IT BACK.

RNC THOUGHTS

What a great convention for the Republican ticket. McCain and Palin are such mavericks, like two egotistical peas in a narcissistic pod.

Here are my quick hits on the week that was.

McCain is a hero, that’s a given, but the story lost its force when it was his turn to relay it since I had already heard it 80 times prior to his speech. McCain and his story of horrendous incessant torture forces us to look at torture in a new light. McCain’s party legalized torture; the same torture that nearly took his life is currently being carried out, legally mind you, by our government. McCain does not hate war like he claims, he loves it- because without war McCain would not be McCain. The way he whores out his story makes pimps everywhere jealous. He claims that his experience in Hanoi made him realize how great his country was- WOW. It took THIS, for you to realize your country was great, how shallow and vainglorious were you. I think the entire Republican Party now owes Michelle Obama an apology. We forget that McCain was captured while bombing Vietnam during an unjust war, just like the one we are entrenched in today. If this experience changed him so magnificently then why is he allowing thousands of his fellow citizens to go through similar experiences? The neurotransmitters in McCain’s head must have some switched circuits because he doesn’t see that his status as war hero does not allow him the right to monger for more wars.

This is my gay moment, but apparently the no white after Labor Day rule doesn’t apply to Laura Bush.

The saving grace for Sarah Palin is that she is “just like us,” that our neighbor’s live lives just like her. I DON’T WANT LEADERS LIKE ME OR MY NEIGHBORS, OUR LEADERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER. I don’t want a woman with a broadcasting degree from Idaho; I want the Kennedy’s. I want a Rhode’s scholar a la Clinton. I don’t want politicians that I can relate to, because as a person I am pretty shitty, I want politicians I revere and look up to. I don’t want anyone to feel like they can be president; I want only the best, a select few, to dream that high, not the ‘tards in the back of the classroom eating paint chips.
The crowd at the RNC was soooooooooo old. It looked like an arthritis advertisement, Tylenol must have sold out in the Twin Cities. They must have had about 100 defibrillators in the lobby at the ready.

I feel bad for Levi “Baby Daddy” Johnston. He was just trying to get some strange and ended up with a forced marriage. Will someone tell Levi and Bristol that they are allowed to cease the hand holding for a second, or did the secret service surgically attach their palms in an effort to feign true love.

I am happy Bobby Jindal escaped Guantanamo bay with Harold in time to help New Orleans brace itself against Gustav. Too bad it took Katrina for you to realize that some people in this country may need help; 3 years too late you fuck.

Not since Woody Allen slept with his adopted daughter has a man fucked something previously sacred to him like Leiberman fucked the Democratic Party this week.
Unbiased Alert: Fred Thompson should have been the nominee- great speaker and great jabs at Obama. He was the heir apparent to Reagan, not the bag of flour we call McCain. Too bad he treated the primaries like a Law and Order rehearsal.
How can independents vote McCain when the Repub base did not support him until he picked Palin?

Sarah Palin took over the convention- I felt like she was the presidential candidate, weird vibe. Why would PTA Palin castigate Obama’s experience as a community organizer? Listen here bitch- a city organizer in Chicago does a lot more than a mayor in Shitsville, Alaska. While Obama was dealing with crime- organized and otherwise, health care, and a job crisis; you were bringing in a Wal-Mart and issuing fishing licenses to toothless gold miners.

Rudy Guliani went from America’s unifying force during 9-11 to a despicable divisive force that uses that tragic event as a platform. If Guliani and Leiberman had a child the devil would have a sibling. Rudy is a wretched piece of horse shit devoid of any and all shame; if he was a prostitute he would be in airport bathrooms getting fisted while Larry Craig watched with glee. His speech was more akin to a Klan rally than to a political convention. Of course this is the Republican Party so an attempt to emulate the Klan may have been premeditated.

All the Republicans kept telling me that they were taking off their Republican hats and putting on their American hats….no wonder the deficit is what it is Bush made 10 million Republican hats and passed them around…the Democrats are fiscally responsible, I don’t have a single Dem hat.

Palin claiming that her curriculum vitae makes her ready to take over for McCain whenever he kicks the bucket housing his list is like the valedictorian of summer school trying to get admitted to Harvard.

I am not calling Palin a racist, but I wonder, since she is from a small town in Alaska- Has she ever seen a person of color prior to joining us here on the mainland? Other than the Inuits, Eskimo, and Carlos Boozer; are there any minorities in that great state?

The Repubs love to point to Palin’s 80% approval rating as an example of her infinite wisdom and as a concrete example of her power to lead- which is a valid argument to make. But let’s juxtapose that with the approval rate of the current administration- what does that say Repubs….What, you don’t think that’s relevant…..Ok, guys go back to your fantasy land of Reagan worship, war mongering, and bible thumping. Republicans are the sole reason I am happy the gun laws are so lax- it allows me the right to protect myself against their psychosis.

Every McCain sentence started with “We need to do this,” but it never told us how he planned on doing the things we needed done. More policy and less Hanoi stories; I beg you. I am truly in debt to your service and feel horrible for the pain you endured to ensure my right to write this. But how is that story going to bring me health insurance, how is that story going to keep us out of future wars, and how does that story make you more qualified than Obama. IT DOESN’T.

McCain should contract out his speeches, because he should never be permitted to stand at a lectern again. He should pay someone else to speak on his behalf, maybe Morgan Freeman, because he made me hate the English language last night. Watching McCain speak was as uncomfortable as watching a rape.
Having the evil reticence of Karl Rove analyze politics on a fair and balanced, un-biased ‘cough, cough,’ news organization like The Fox News Network is like having Jeffrey Dahmer rate restaurants for Zagat.

All this tough talk by McCain and his retinue did not leave me feeling patriotic or safe; I am worried that if they win ,we will war more. I am scared that they will lead us into another conflict that doesn’t perpetuate safety but only serves to expose the neoconservative conspiracy to perpetuate American cultural and economic imperialism. This convention and the Republican Party as a whole is attempting, through politics and culture, to ensnare ordinary people in a giant web of nationhood pretending to a common interest- even though the interest are inherently uncommon.

I need a political break after these aforementioned 2 weeks. I may have to go bang a librarian to relieve some of this Sarah Palin hatred I feel. Oh yeah, did you here that Star Jones is dating a chef- a gourmet cook. Herb Wilson, the executive chef at Manhattan’s Sohoand Tribeca Grand hotels is Star’s new swain. That would be like me dating one of Patron’s daughters or Manuela Escobar.

P.S. If anyone actually reads the drivel I write please vote; because if Obama loses I will blame the entire apathetic 18-29 demograpghic while I book a one way ticket to Brazil.

Hasta

Levi- not the jeans

Meet Levi Johnston, the man that sired a child with Bristol (city in England) Palin. He claimed, via his myspace page, that he is a “fuckin redneck” and that he would “kick your ass if you fucked with him.” I am going out on a limb, but I’m guessing a redneck hockey playing Alaskan probably would kick my ass since I wax my chest and listen to Enya.

I like this guy. If McCain wins I hope this guy gets a cabinet seat, maybe he could be the new secretary of homeland security relieving Michael Chertoff.

This kid has set up a Blog explaining to the world what makes him tick. I am thinking that this "honest" blog was created and written by a campaign advisor, but whatever. I did think that the comments people left for him were outrageous....and funny. So I decided to snipe them and present them here for you to read and laugh at along with me.

13 comments:


Anonymous said...
I'm the real father.
September 2, 2008 12:49 PM


Anonymous said...
Maybe you should go on Maury and take a Paternity test like all the other fucking red-necks do!
September 2, 2008 12:54 PM


Anonymous said...
If you want me to believe that this was written by an 18 y.o redneck you have got be kidding. No one in that age bracket growing up as a fish picker in the Alaskan public high school system...oh wait that's wrong..in the "alternative education" (drop out) system, is that eloquent or well-worded (for all you fish pickers that don't know what eloquent means.)Do the Republicans really think we are that dumb??????
September 2, 2008 12:55 PM


Anonymous said...
Don' talk about my babies father like that! He supplies me with the Captain Morgan's!
September 2, 2008 12:56 PM


Anonymous said...
Is that retard baby yours too?
September 2, 2008 1:07 PM


BL said...
Wait, how do you get someone pregnant if you don't have a penis? I'm calling shenanigans here Levi...
September 2, 2008 1:09 PM


The Beanweed said...
I find it sad that a lot of people are so cruel! Why does it matter if these kids had sex and got pregnant. Why does it matter that they want to get married and try to make a go of this? Isn't that what a lot of 21, 22, 23, 24 and 25 year olds end up doing? I hope this doesn't make people turn their backs on the McCain/Palin ticket. These things do not make Sara Palin a bad person or someone we shouldn't look up to. Life happens, crap happens in life, good things come out of mistakes that we human beings make. All I can say is that I hope Bristol and Levi can make a go out of marriage and have many happy years together raising their children. I hope one day that the other teens that made fun of these kids will know what it is like to have your private life and mistakes blabbed to the whole world and have to deal with the pain that they caused these kids! Levi, I commend you for stepping up to the plate and taking on being a realy family at such a young age! Bristol, I know life may be hard right now, but all of this hoopla is going tobe worth it the moment you hold that baby in your arms! Supporter of Levi and Bristol
September 2, 2008 1:18 PM


Anonymous said...
You too are so cute...be strong! Fuck the media.
September 2, 2008 1:26 PM


Anonymous said...
yes you are a redneck. a young, dumb redneck who will regret making that comment when you are old enough to realize how STUPID you sound! good luck in the real world because they are gonna eat you alive for this stuff.
September 2, 2008 1:28 PM


Anonymous said...
So, were you really taught abstinence in high school? Uh, I think you might've failed the course.
September 2, 2008 1:45 PM


Anonymous said...
Your poor kid is doomed.
September 2, 2008 1:54 PM


Anonymous said...
Gotta be fake. No 18 year old redneck in the history of the world has ever correctly used a semicolon.
September 2, 2008 2:20 PM


Anonymous said...
I don't know you. What I do know is that my heart goes out to you and your girlfriend; facing a hypocritical media, as well as a nation whose political knowledge can be compared with Lindsey Lohan's knowledge of nuclear physics. Mistakes happen. It's best to remember that how you treat people is your karma... but how they treat you is theirs. Good Luck with everything. PS. And to whomever made the comment re: fish picking and public school systems- I graduated from public school systems in a 'podunk' down in southwest Missouri. I graduated Magna Cum Laude from a top 100 business school, and if I could reveal my identity, you'd feel awfully stupid. So go ahead and vote for Obama. He needs the votes of ignorant, unlearned folks like you. Also, I find your punctuation and grammar atrocious, your rhetoric nauseating, and your awful syntax worrisome. Maybe you could take an English lesson from that po' little fish-picker.
September 2, 2008 2:26 PM

Gay Rights????

Ummmmmm, is it bad that I laughed at this??

Marriage Sucks

I was given this key piece of advice a couple of years back by the biggest stud known to man- Trevor.


Trevor is a 40 ish year old bartender at a local bar, so he knows something about life and love. He is has an 8th grade education but his dick is a Rhodes Scholar. The guy screws more women than the Republican party; and he told me this:


If an attractive married women wants to sleep with you and
you either have a death wish or are a trained cage fighter then what the hell do
it. Sex with a married woman will be the best sex of your life. When a married
women has an affair it is equivalent to you being in the penitentiary for 20
years and then being released and unleashing all 20 years of pressure with the
first attractive woman you see. She is choosing you to do what her husband
cannot do, and she will do to you what her husband doesn’t appreciate. But
seriously be careful because you are probably going to be killed
.



AND HE WAS RIGHT!

I currently live in a life of fear, but it's worth it cause the sex is amazing. Remember how you felt when the heard the ice cream trucks tune come around the corner...well that is how I feel when I see Renee's face pop up on my phone alerting me to her incoming call.


I met Renee a couple of years back. She was married. She was as lascivious as a woman could be. In an attempt to earn extra money I began to tutor at the University for a small fee; I never thought Renee would pay me with sex in the stead of bills. I am telling you the back story to lay the foundation for our escapade a couple of weeks ago.


I was too busy and maybe too out of whack to pull some strange so I logged onto my lap top and clicked on the excel spread sheet titled SEXCAPADES. This file is a comprehensive breakdown of the women that I have bedded. I have detailed every aspect of their physical makeup as well as the circumstances of our split- amicable or despicable. I came across Renee's name and immediately wanted to cum across her face....so I called her. I had to make sure she was still down, so I sang her the Jon B "Still Down Song."


Baby are you still down(Are you still down)
Are you down for me baby
Baby are you still down(I want to lay your body down right here)
Still down for me
Baby are you still down
Still down for me
Baby are you still down(Baby you belong to me)
Still down for me
Baby are you still down
Still down for me
Baby are you still down(Are you lonely out there, alright)
Still down for me
Baby are you still down(Come on right away now baby)
Still down for me
Baby are you still down(I want you, do you want me to)
Still down for me
Baby are you still down(So on and on and on and on)
Still down for me
Baby are you still down
Still down for me
Baby are you still down
Are you still down for me
Baby are you still down
Still down for me
You still down for me?


I wonder what happened to Jon B.....do you think him and Snow opened up a Skating Rink in Florida....or do they sell insurance in The Napa Valley....I wonder.


So Renee popped over. She lives an hour and a half away which at least gives me the feeling of safety by proximity. We proceeded to fuck inside my house and then she blew me inside the Italian leather confine of her husband's porche.


I am relaying this story to you by way of the web to further illustrate why the holy union is neither holy nor unifying. Marriage has gone the way of the Dodo bird. Renee told me that her biggest regret is not having more sex prior to marrying the "man of her dreams." She cheats on a relatively successful man- he is also a good looking guy- I don't get it. I realize that fucking a married women doesn't make me a bastion of good judgment or sound morals, but I feel it speaks even less of the married woman's scruples.


So this is just another example in a long line of examples against ever walking the real walk of shame- down a Church aisle to marry a woman that loathes monogamy just as much as I do.