I hope that Germany keeps to itself while I am within the the streets of Paris.
I love croissants and French bread pizza- I hope that French bread pizza is a French thing and not just some American fugaze. Viva La France.
I can't wait to check out French porn.
I am very excited that the French drink and smoke a great deal. Not only do I Love to drink and smoke, but when it is to an extent described as "a great deal," I am even more ecstatic.
The French are moody and temperamental, but they do that double kiss thing I have heard so much about....hmmmmm. I can look past the moodiness since I work with a lot of women- kind of used to it. I am more than willing to kiss every single woman I come across "Double Time."
I have heard that they don't shave their pits. GROSS.
Regarding the arm pit ordeal, eww, it sucks just to type, I can be coaxed into "dealing with it." Let's say that Salma Hayek comes to her senses and propositions me, but she has hairy pits....I would still say yes. So if a hottie French baby has some under arm fuzz I can do exactly what Jesus would have done and turn the other cheek.
If my sperm choose to finally wake up from the years of marijuana usage and I accidentally sire a child in France I could name him - (I only make boys)- a bad ass name like Marie or Jean-Paul or Yves or Rene. That last sentence may come off as sarcasm, but trust me it is not, androgynous male French names are so bad ass.
I actually found some cool French music so my ears will certainly survive-chchchchchchch-eck it out.
Oh poor Soko. I wonder if she's single?
So as you can see I am alright with the majority of France and French-type shit, except for the dreaded BIDET.
How does it work??????????????????????????????????????
Do you poo into it??????????????????????????????????????
If so, then won't that muddy the water......Am I supposed to actually cleanse my colon with the bidet water????????????????????????????????
Is the water room temp. or will it freeze my anus and its friends?????????????
Am I supposed to poo, wipe, and then bidet, or do I bidet then wipe?????????
This; this stupid BIDET is ruining my trip, I can't stop thinking about it. I tried to Google bidet usage videos but I keep coming up empty.
If any of you eight readers out there can help-please feel free. In the meantime I am going to attach a hose to my bathroom sink and practice bidet-ing.
Au Revoir
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