Presidential Movie

My comrades and I were debating who would play the presidential candidates in a movie about the 2008 election. Soooooo since I am the authority of pointless ass shit I decided to hammer away at IMDB and Google Images in an attempt to figure out who would play the Washington players. I have spent an inordinate amount of time on this task; I have considered the similarity in looks between the actors and the candidates, but also the acting prowess of our performers, and the marketability of the potential movie. This task saved me from the widespread torpor created by my job.

Barack Obama

Now we could go with the obvious Denzel or Will Smith casting decisions, but since Barack was a virtual unknown that has wowed the nation with his hunger I felt we needed a virtual unknown actor that will immerse himself into this role due to his hunger for super stardom. Harper Hill is Obama's doppelganger and he is an accomplished actor. Think Jamie Foxx pre-Ray. Why not have an intelligent man-Hill, that graduated magna cum laude from Brown University to play Mr. President of the Harvard Law Review-Barack Obama.

Harper Hill

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Michelle Obama

Now Mrs. Obama is a small supporting character in this movie so we will have a look a like that can moderately act, not a great actress that bares zero resembles to the future first lady-cross your fingers. Sanaa Lathan is the perfect actress to play the female Obama..damn am I good or what. I should run a studio...well anyways keep reading.

Sanaa Lathan

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Hillary Clinton
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Hillary Clinton hates her husband- a man, and Jodie Foster hates men- hmmmmm. Jodie Foster is a lesbian, and Hillary resembles a lesbian. Hillary has run the gamut of emotions on the campaign trail, so we will need an actress that can make the emotional transitions as seamless as possible.

Jodie Foster

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Bill Clinton

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Bill Clinton is larger than life. Sean Penn is larger than life. Sean Penn has already played a politician in "All The King's Men," so the pressure of a politico role will be alleviated. Sean Penn played a hippie stoner in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High," and Clinton was a hippie stoner- in real life. I am smelling an Oscar for the Penn man.

Sean Penn

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Chelsea Clinton

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Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan will juxtapose her indiscriminate lifestyle with that of the humble and chaste Chelsea Clinton. Hollywood loves it when actors play a role completely against character so this may re-ignite Lindsay's flickering career. If it doesn't then it is one step closer to a Lindsay Lohan sex tape- woo hoo.

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John McCain

John McCain is nearly dead so why not have an actor most people think is dead play him- Paul Newman. Paul Newman is a man's man and McCain's heroism puts most men to shame- so why not. Plus if Newman gets this role I may be able to get some of his dressing for free- I love that shit.

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Paul Newman

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Cindy McCain

The ultimate stepford wife Cindy "Plastic Face" McCain will be played by Morgan "Plasticker Face" Fairchild. We could even throw in a raunchy love scene to expose Morgan's breasts- because Cindy seems like a low down freak in that sheets.

Morgan Fairchild

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Jon Edwards

I think that Jon Edwards will be the Vice President so why not have him in the movie. Zach Braff will portray Mr. Edwards. Zach played a doctor on Scrubs and Jon sued the crap out of every doctor in South Carolina. Jon Edwards has a great head of hair, and so does the Braff man. Neither man has a chin and they are both funny- Edwards is unintentionally funny, but still funny. Plus Zach Braff could pull double duty and direct the movie.

Zach Braff

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Georgia Bush

Georgia Bush will be played by the most underrated actor alive-Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones would make Bush far more likable than he actually is. But Tommy Lee would nail the part and nab a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his work. Now if I could only get the Coen Brothers to write the script- because God knows I have zero talent as a writer.

Tommy Lee Jones