Beckham Girl

Last night was a wild wild evening.

I was awarded with a rousing round of road head. ROAD HEAD!

I met this young woman a while back. She is a 20 year old chick; young I know, but she is built like a hot Lindsay Lohan, sans the drug use and red hair, and freckles, scratch that. She actually looks like Mila Kunis with bigger boobs.

I met her at the book store; I asked her where David Beckham’s autobiography was located. She then asked me if I was gay. I told her that I wasn’t, I was just a soccer player that loved the Beck-Man. She questioned my sexuality again. I then pulled her close and kissed her like no man has ever kissed a woman before. I kissed her deep, like one of us was dying.

BACK TO REALITY

I met her at the book store; I asked her where David Beckham’s autobiography was located. She pointed to the northeast section of Barnes and Noble. I went and found the book but pretended that I didn’t. I walked back to her and asked if she could show me. She did. Then I implemented a brand new method of “chick pick-up,” I used David Beckham’s good looks to my advantage.

What do you think of him?

Oh my God, he’s gorgeous?

I was talking about his soccer skills?

No idea, but he’s hot?

Really?

Are you kidding me, he is perfection?

You think you have a chance with Beckham?

Hell no?

Well I play soccer so I am probably as close as you’ll ever get?

Hahahahahahahaha

If you have a cup of coffee with me I will tell you all about David Beckham, deal?

Deal?

And that was that folks. David Beckham’s sexiness benefited me, thank you. In the past couple of weeks Beckham Girl and I have really hit it off. Our “situation” has grown:

Coffee==>Lunch==>Dinner==>Make Out Session==>Movie and Wine==>Road Head==>Eggs

Last night I took Beckham Girl to my home boys crib…ahem...to my married friend’s house. We watched Bend it Like Beckham…seriously we did, I thought it would be fitting. We had wine and more wine. Beckham Girl got pretty drunk

I think we should leave.

We got in my car and I was going to drop her off at her house, but she lives with her parents and didn’t want to go home inebriated and what not. Yeah I know she is not just 5 years younger than me, but she is FIVE YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.

So I decided-against my better judgment- to bring her over to my place. On the way to my place she began getting “handsy.” I love handsy. Then the zipper to my pin-striped Gap flat front chinos was unzipped and out came Optimus Prime (it’s my cock’s nickname this week). Then like a champ she gave me the street cred that I didn’t need but I welcomed none the less.

Getting road head is just like driving stoned. I was relaxed, I leaned back in my seat, I turned the stereo up, and I was driving 20 miles below the speed limit.

I was concerned that my pants may become stained with semen, but other than that it was awesome. She took charge and jumped right in. I though she was just gonna play with it, but fallacio, wow, that was unexpected.

We were getting close to my house, but I had not ejacked yet, so I drove around the block a couple of times.

Sexual Explosion

She swallowed everything and she didn’t even try to kiss me after. Just an f.y.i I don’t mind kissing bitches after they blow me, as long as all sperm residue has disappeared.

Now I could go home.

I wasn’t planning on fucking her and she obliged by passing out on arrival.

I was awakened by the smell of scrambled eggs and coffee, mmmmm.

White people are the greatest scrambled eggs makers in the world. White people are magicians with those little chicken eggs. She was cracking them one-handed and working the skillet better than she worked me. Better yet there was zero akwardness (I know that isn’t a word) and there were absolutely zero “coupley” feelings. We didn’t kiss or make plans to meet again. We didn’t even talk about “us” at all.

We talked about aliens, and why every single alien that has ever been “sighted” was thin. I have never seen a fat alien in an artist’s rendering. Maybe alien’s are even more weight conscious than humans. Maybe they have figured out the key to weight loss. These are the issues that run through my head.

We ate our breakfast while we watched CNN and then I dropped her of at her car and I went to work.

I dig this chick, my little Beckham Girl.