Too Happy To Pass Out

Alcohol makes one do stupid things. It is not that bad if the "one" in question is a hot girl and the stupid thing she is doing is you.

HOWEVER, if you are the "one" engaging in the stupid activities, then you have a huge problemo.

Saturday night I was at a bar.


I was drunk.


I was cock blocked by Tom Brady. Fuckin Tom Brady. I was the brazen male that ventured over to a table full of women and while I was captivating them with my effervescent charm, Mr. Brady appeared on the big screen.


Let the swooning begin.


20 minutes of Brady chatter followed, so I left.


Fast forward 2 hours later. We met another group of girls and headed back to their place to continue the party. The group I was rolling with consisted of 3 other men: My Cool Ass Black Friend, My Hippie Long Haired Kurt Cobain Friend, I'm Entrenched In A Loveless Relationship Friend-Shredder, and Your Truly.


The demographics of the group of women we were with consisted of: Fake Hair-Fake Boobs-Fake Tan-Fake Nails Girl, Way Too Hot For Me Or My Buddies Girl, I Love Black Men Girl, and Too Ugly To Be Hanging Out With This Crowd Girl.


Quick Recap of the Late Night Festivities:

• Shredder went home because he is whipped...or a good boyfriend...if there is a difference I am not aware.


• The "I Love Black Men Girl" hooked up with "My Cool Ass Black Friend." No one saw that coming.


• No one spoke the "Ugly Girl" so she went to bed.


• My Kurt Cobain buddy got stoned on the way to the girls' place and he passed out in the car- fuckin hippy.


• Apparently Fake Girl dug me so Superhot Chick was even more of a pipe dream now than she was originally.


• Superhot Chick went to bed- frick.


• Fake Girl and I began doing shots- my idea- I needed as much alcohol as possible in me so I could have a scapegoat to blame for the sex I envisioned happening between us.


• I kissed her-frickety frick frick.


• Imagine licking the sneeze guard at a salad bar...got it...well that is what Fake Girl tasted like.


• She got naked and so did I. I tried to get away but I failed, running was futile, this bull had me in her sights. I really wanted to use the picture below, so even though it is convoluted calling Fake Girl a bull, it served its purpose.


• Foreplay.


• I passed out- so no sex happened. I remember her trying to revive me with a spirited round of oral sex, but I was gone. Thanks to the soporific spirits I didn't have to fuck the fake girl.

OK GOT TO GO.