Ego Monster

What makes you think you’re so special?

Do not answer her question. Einstein; listen to me, don’t do it.

Answer my fuckin question you asshole.

Ahem.

Hey there readers, let me give you a little bit of the background story before I saturate these pages with the conclusion. Beckham Girl came over the other night to watch a movie and have some dinner- a wonderful Barolo braised beef that yours truly prepared. We were eating dinner all the while rehashing stories about our jobs and our activities during the past couple of days.

Then I made a mistake. I told her that I took Leggy Blonde as a date to a “thing” at my friend’s house.

I try to tell the truth unless the person I am speaking to can’t handle the truth. I thought that the woman I was speaking too was a truth handler, but alas she was a regular woman.

Why didn’t you take me?

I don’t know; I felt like hanging out with her.

Did you guys do anything?

No, and that was the truth, for real- NO.

How can I believe you?

Because I haven’t lied to you yet, that’s why?

Big mistake, I should have neglected to use the word “yet.” Einstein your moniker is losing validity with light speed.

I thought we had a moment the other night? Fuck, I thought you were different? You think you can just fuck around with as many girls as you fuckin want without a fuckin care in the world.

She cussed a lot- not cute. I only like cussing in the bedroom…when it is like- Ohhhh fuck me you fuckin Greek god….ohhhh ahhhhh fuuuu ahhhhhh fuck me fuck me fuck me, ohhh your dick is so fuckin big…..fuck my cunt….AHHHHHHHHHHH I’M CUMMMIN OHHH MY GOD…OHHHH FUCK FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK O O OHHHHH…..

O, sorry to interrupt, you were saying Beckham Girl.

You are shit!!!!!!!!

No I’m not!

What makes you think you’re so special?

Do not answer her question. Einstein; listen to me, don’t do it.

Answer my fuckin question you asshole.

Ok, now are we all on the same page? Good.

I should have just ignored the question and tried to quell her anger.

Is that what I did?

No.

And why is that?

Because I am a fuckin moron.

First of all I don’t think I’m that special, and second of all we’re not dating, we are nothing yet.

I was something to you the other night “Special Guy.”

I hate when people call me a name that is followed by the word guy. Hey Funny Guy….Hey Cool Guy….What are you a leather jacket guy….Hey Everyone Look At The Rich Guy, You’re Not Cool Ok Big Guy……I HATE IT.

I was special enough for you to blow me the first time we hung out.

DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB STUPID IDIOT WHY DID I SAY THAT I WISH I COULD SELL MY TONGUE ON EBAY FOR ZERO DOLLARS AND ZERO CENTSBECAUSE IT IS WORTHLESS JUST LIKE YOUR EGO YOU DOLT DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB

She started to cry. I can’t handle it when girls cry. My angst with crying women is not based in chivalry, it is based in fear, I don’t no what to do. So I lit a cigarette and sat there.

She cried and cussed me out

I smoked and had a little bit of wine. I actually used a cheap Barolo in the dish and a very expensive bottle to drink with dinner, it was a great mix. Ummmm back to the story.

She got up grabbed her purse……and her overnight bag, a bag that I’m sure had some condoms in it.

What she blew me on date 1, date 2 was definitely ending in copulation, yes, go me.

Then she left.

So I ate alone, and then watched a porno starring Puma Swede, gave myself a happy ending, and went to bed.

Another successful night for the Einstein.