Bowling for Concubine

Leggy Blonde left the other night after we fucked.

We've had dinner a couple times in the past month, but nothing more.

I had to get back in her good graces since I avoided her for about a fortnight (yes!! I got to use fortnight in a post) since our pre-marital sex.

Everything was leading towards sex, but I have been playing the role of the chivalrous chauvinist , in an attempt to ensure additional sex play. I think she may have formed an accurate impression of me since we had sex. She thought I was only after one thing, which I was, but I was bothered that she knew my intentions.

On Thursday night, I was at home and I had planned on staying home and chatting with my adopted little sister while I completed some paper work.

Then in the midst of our convo I walked past a mirror and realized that my face has not been sat on in a while, so I got a hold of Leggy Blond

I told Leggy Blonde that through my many sources in the underworld I had acquired a bootleg copy of the new Batman flick; and just like the millions of other theatre goers she was hooked.

She walked into my house and in my haste to appear cool I spilled my kool-aid and she had to help me clean it up- since as a man I suck at cleaning up stains. We took the towels back to the washing machine which was in a room past my bedroom. On our way back from the utility room we made an excursion into my bedroom. I lured her into my sexual lair as a result of my mad pimp game:

"You have gotta check out this video on Youtube I found of a moon walking midget."

And just like that she was in my bed watching a corny ass Bollywood clip. Once the clip ended, the love making could commence. I began by stating how luscious her chap stick made her lips appear, and then I asked if I could taste it. She laughed at my weak ass attempt to kiss her, and once my embarrassment dissipated we kissed anyways.

Accidental game folks, that is my calling card. I hook up with women due to my exorbitant awkwardness around them.

Once again we had sex sans condom, which is fine by me since I am immune to any STD. I bought a couple spare immune systems from the USSR during its downfall, so I'm safe.

As we were doing it she put her right leg on my left shoulder (are you picturing it...good) and asked me to lick her toes. Feet disgust me so much that once she mentioned "toe licking" my boner dematerialized and my testicles shriveled up like an Eskimo's.

I told her the only was I was going to suck her toes is if she let me pee on her. I am not into potty games but I wanted to make sure she got that I equated feet to urine on my puke list.

Once she got that crazy idea out of her head we continued on banging. Leggy Blonde happened to me a gymnast during her formative years and now that is only beneficial in the bedroom.

Side Note: If I were ever to accidentally become a daddy, and if that accident was a lovely little girl the last sport I would want her to participate in would be gymnastics. Her gymnastic skills could only benefit her in 2 different scenarios: The Olympics or The Bedroom. Since most girls don't make it to the Olympics I would simply be succumbing to the fact that my daughter would be a pervert's bendy little sex partner. So screw you Bella Karoli, you can't have my daughter.

Back to the real world.

I thought I would be into her bendy ways, and boy was she bendy, but i found myself a little turned off by her ability to contort. She put her legs behind her head and while I continued to pound away I had to close my eyes for most of it. With her legs where the were, she looked like a Vietnam Vet that had lost her limbs in battle- not the sexiest image in the world.

The best part about this sexual adventure is that she held zero ill conceived notions about our little tryst. Once the sex ended she cleaned up and left. I did not even have to make up an extravagant lie to get her out of my bed. I had sex and was afforded the opportunity to sleep alone my bed. This Leggy Blonde is working her way into my good graces.