My Saturday Night

As I had previously stated my life became a tad too buttoned up. So this past weekend I decided to have as many near death experiences as humanly possible with the assistance of slutty women and potent chemicals.

It was a rousing success. At least it was for every thing but my liver and my right testicle (I woke up with a slight rash this morning).

I began my Saturday by eating 3 scrambled eggs and downing 4 mimosas.

Side Note: I was not going to eat anything sharp(chips) or spicy(A Spanish girl's vagina) because it sucks to puke that shit up. And yes I had planned on puking. It is far better to be safe than to be sorry.

I ran down to the docks and biked a couple of miles. I wanted to make sure I looked gaunt and drug riddled for the rest of the day; you know, getting into character- it worked for Heath Ledger.

I took a shower and then threw about 4 pounds of pomade into my hair and then followed that up with Nick Chavez's wonderful curl inducing hair spray. Then I waited 35 minutes and sprayed on some more hair spray.

It was now three o:clock and I wasn't drunk yet. So my friends came over. My Cool Ass Black friend is dating a divine young lady. She is divine not because her breast size ensures her of never having osteoporosis, but because she brought with her a group or dick chasing, cock happy sluts. And since I have a dick that loves to be chased I was on cloud nine.

I instantly clicked with the youngest girl in the group, we'll call her Dimples. She was 18 and a half, and had a fake id, so she was good enough for me. I clicked with her becasue she was the first girl I laid eyes on. We all sat at my coffee table and began to roll up more pot than I had seen in weeks- I love my cool ass black friend.

There is absolutely nothing better than doing drugs with a group of insidious drug apologists. I could do no wrong.

In an attempt to avoid the Sturm und Drang of my evening I will get to the point rather quickly.

I asked Dimples if she wanted to take a tour of my place and she obliged, or felt obligated, I am not sure, nor do I care. We walked into my bedroom and she thought my baby picures were adorable- and then we began to make out.

Side Note: I hung up some baby pics in my room just to tug at the heart strings of potential sexual partners. Trust me it works like a mofo.

I am going to consolidate the rest of my evening for y'all.

1. Shots of Absynthe
2. Drove to the Bar
3. Dropped some Ex at the bar
4. Drank alot
5. Dimples sat on my lap and tried to kiss me in public. I hate that shit, so I blew her off. Then she had the gall to tell me- "Nobody rejects me." HA. That made me sorta wanna hate fuck her later, but I just got up to go to the bathroom and throw up.
6. Rejection for some women is like an ugly ass Hermes bag- it makes no sense at all, but it turns them on. Dimples loved rejection and since I rejected her, she loved me.
7. The bar was closing down and I ran to the bathroom to take a quick piss. I also had the option to smort a line, I didn't really want to- so I did not snort a line. What I did do was accidentally zip my pants up prior to urination completion. I had a piss spot on my pants. Gross
8. I drove back home to change my pants.
9. I then drove to my cool ass black friend's house for the after party. I didn't do much partying. What I did do is have sex with Dimples multiple times. I also said no to Dimps when she asked me to finger her booty hole. Women are taking alot of anal liberties these days- gross.
10. I passed out during sex. Stupid drugs.
11. I woke up Sunday with a hangover. But I praised the Lord for instilling enough youthful viriility in me to bang out Dimples two more times that morning.
12. Then Dimples and I took a shower, fucked one more time, and then we smoked a bowl while I drove her home.
13. I hope you enjoyed this post, because I did it while high on pot and Vicodin.
14. HUGE PS> If you guys actually like my Blog please leave me a comment- I am slowly losing the will to Blog. I am inching towards Blogocide.
15. Ok Bye