Ten Best TV Characters

Bored

I may be mailing it in a bit with this post, but, no one even knows who I am. So I am sealing the envelope and mailing this one in. I felt like writing a list of my favorite current TV characters. Lists are the vehicle that carries lazy writers to their deadlines, but they can be entertaining. On to the list

Best TV Characters. Let’s go with my 10 favorites.


Charlie Kelly: He lives in filth. He is illiterate. He is an alcoholic that also huffs paint. He fails miserably with women and is responsible for completing the most disgusting tasks in the bar. But I love him. He is a wonderful musician and he survived an abortion. I think we may be related. If the Emmy’s weren’t run by a geriatric group of old white men, then Charlie Day would win an Emmy for the character of Charlie Kelly


Jermaine Clemaine of Flight of the Conchords: A New Zealander transplanted in America with his best friend Brett. He hates Australia- I hate Australia. Once again on the music tip- he is an amazing musician. His band is an example of abject failure; even though the lyrics and vocals rival Prince’s Purple Rain.


Hebert from Family Guy: A pedophilic old man with a creepy voice. Hmmmm, sounds like every Catholic priest in America. HA, this is why I love Herbert, he allows me the opportunity to shit on the Catholic Church some more.


Liz Lemon: Liz Lemon is played by Tina Fey- who coincidentally gives me a regular boner and a brain boner. She is fragile and single and seems ripe for a douche like me to swoop in and woo her out of her granny panties.


Tracy Jordan: A black man on the run from Bill Cosby, Gordon form Sesame Street, Jesse Jackson, and the rest of The Black Crusaders- solid gold. He is full of conspiracy theories and believes he has to maintain his “crazy” or else Hollywood will black list him. I am also on the run from the Black Crusaders, but I run cause I sided with Lisa Bonet when Bill tried to have her killed. Tracy is also an alcoholic, so we have that in common.


Andrew Bernard: I have to pick someone from The Office, so I come from left field with a character that is usually lost in left field. Andy Bernard went to Cornell and he makes sure you never forget it. He loves his voice and sings at the top of his lungs at the drop of a hat. He is banging conservative Republican Angela Martin. I imagine that he hate fucks that tight ass, and that is a small retribution for me against a republican party that has fucked us for 8 years.


Barney Stinson: This is acting at its finest- NPH, a gay man, plays the biggest hetero pimp on TV. After years of Doogie Howser jokes Neil Patrick Harris has exacted revenge on us all. This mutha fucka is talented, and funny as fuck, and he was DOOGIE. I wonder where Vinnie is at this point……Side Note- My ex girlfriend’s vibrator was named Vinnie. Ummmm, ok.


Dr. Gregory House: A genius misanthropic drug addicted doctor. Sounds like me, save for the doctor part. He walks with a pimp cane and is a misogynistic bastard. If this guy adopts a chalice on the upcoming season he will top Snoop and The White Man as the biggest pimp of all time.


Lyla Garrity: If you know me you know that some of these characters will be on this list solely due to their sexuality. Even though Neil Patrick Harris would swing my way, I don’t swing his, so Minka Kelly is on this list as the beef in this word sandwhich. I have never seen an episode of Friday Night Lights, but I have heard it’s a hell of a show- so Lyla Garrity you are on of my ten favorites for substance of show and for substance of looks.


Barack Obama: He is on TV so often that I have to include him on this list. The key to this list is that if I were to walk by the tele and one of these characters were on, would I stop? I would halt for all of these characters, but I would actually sit down for Obama. The reason The Obama show is my favorite is because this show may actually be picked up for four years and my life may improve along with it. Reality tv at its finest.