The taste of semen

Lately my life has been boring as shit.


Tuesday night I decided to forgo the bar scene and play a rousing tennis match. I then came home with some guests and smoke alot of marijuana and talked to a Cuban about her dog, Seal, and Girlfriends-the show.


Side Note: Girlfriends is the shit, and the weird multi-racial chick is smokin hot; so is Mya. Oh yeah Kelsey "Frasier" Grammer is the executive producer of a show about 4 minority women in a "Sex in the City" styled show. Twisted. That's like Flavor Flav producing "Desperate Housewives."


Last night I ignored Leggy Blonde and I went to bed around 11:30; while I talked to a Cuban about Aladdin, the accuracy of the stories I regale you with on a weekly basis, and her big hair (which may look like the hair below at this point).
I promise from today on- since I have a lull in my schedule- to drink more, smoke more pot, and to go back to trying to fuck every piece of ass I walk by. This will be like the chastity promise Religious zealots make their daughters sign, but the exact opposite.


In an effort to maintain the interest level of my 15 readers I have decided to tell you a story that happened a couple of years ago.


Once again this is a true story- ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


STORY TIME:

My friends and I were in a hot tub drinking and playing "I never." Five guys in a hot tub after a strenuous soccer match- real homo-erotic, I know.
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If you don't know what "I never" is, I will tell you. Some one says "I never" and adds some task at the end, like "I never tried to suck my own dick." If you have never done it you drink. If you have done it you don't drink, you must tell the story, and you must become the butt of continuous jokes for the next 20 minutes.
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By the way every guy has tried to suck his own dick. I actually make have broken a rib when I was 12 and tried the impossible task. The truth is truly ugly.
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So my buddy let's call him Matt said- "I never tasted my own cum"
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Everyone drank except for Jimmy and Cohen. So after we drank our requisite swigs, we turned our attention to the sperm suckers for the ensuing tales of self bukkake.
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Jimmy was first. He told us that it wasn't his fault, that he had no choice but to taste his warm and gooey discharge.
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Side Note: I hope you are getting grossed out every time I refer to discharge tasting, because I am puking into my own mouth as we speak.
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We turned down the Sublime in the background so we could hear this awesome tale.
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He told us about Amy, which was a girl he dated for about 3 months. Amy was 28 and Jimmy was 18 and she was one of the hottest women we had ever seen (we were 18 and we hadn't seen many women, but whatever). The first night they met Amy asked James where he wanted to put it, and like a pioneer he went South, as in anal. The next time they fucked she brought over some ecstasy and they both tripped, Jimmy's first time, and they fucked. They also fucked in the bathroom at Subway. They also fucked in the bathroom of a Pizza Hut, a Wendy's, and in a Home Depot.
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Then it happened. Let me tell you something, I have never been more on the edge of my seat than I was on this particular day. I may not have actually been sitting down, I was probably floating.
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James and Amy went out to the bar and were feeling fine. They went back to her place and fucked like they were responsible for maintaining the earth's population. As he was nearing liquid explosion, she told him to cum all over her tits.
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Side Note: Which by the way is gross and hot at the same time. I personally hate when I have to ejaculate places other than inside a women- it ruins my rhythm, but I digress.
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So Jimmy pulled out and came all over her.
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AND THEN IT HAPPENED
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She told him to lick it off of her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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We were all thoroughly disgusted at this point, since we know what he did. He told us that he had no choice but to lick it off of her. He said that he owed it to her since she had let him do whatever he wanted to do with her tight sexually frustrated body. He said that is was the right thing to do. So Jimmy, one of my best friends in the world licked his own semen off of a woman's body.
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After we had puked into the hot tub our attention turned to Cohen, so we could hear his story about tasting love juice.
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He looked at us and said, " My story is not that good, I was jacking off into my palm once and got curious so I threw some into my mouth; it was salty."
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Those are my friends.