Bowling for Concubine

The gym is where this interaction took place. My friend and I were working out, bye bye fat. We had just completed a 5 mile jog, hello soreness. We were walking into one of the rooms in the gym where people do cardio type shit. Abs were our enemies, and our plan of attack was to complete this final phase of our workout before 7 pm, due to the gym’s annoying time constraints. The time was 6:00 pm, cutting it close boys. But fear not, we were on a mission.

Derailed. Ughhhhh I had been sidetracked on the way to the big rubber ab balls by a tall leggy blonde. Leggy Blonde why are you so irresistible. I wanted to lick her legs, I do not have a foot fetish, I have a leggy blonde fetish- huge difference bitches.

Let me educate you lovely readers about Leggy Blonde. First of all she is leggy. Second of all I am under the impression that her entire wardrobe is made up of wife beaters and spandex shorts- can you say premature ejaculation. Third, and this is the kicker, she is cool as hell, nice, not an arrogant or pompous hair on her sculpted, pristine, make you say mmmm body. When she speaks, it’s hypnotic. Her words engulf you like an Anaconda and take your breathe away. She isn’t flirting with you, but she's not not flirting with you; if that makes sense. The problem, you had to know it was coming, is that she was always busy, a minute of her time was harder to get than Hannah Montana tickets…..I’ve heard. She is never still, always on the move, except for today. On my way to ab-fest 2008 she appeared, and spoke to me, and not just the innocuous, “hey pal’ or “hi,” but she was engaging in conversation with me. I really wish I hadn’t worn this headband today. I hope she didn’t hear the Hannah Montana blaring from my I-POD.

“Hey Einstein, I saw you volunteering at the Red Cross last Saturday, how sweet of you, did you like it?”

Thank you God, really thank you, I know I have forsaken you at times, and even asked you to kill a few people for me- Paris Hilton- but water under the bridge as far as I’m concerned. God bless you God….is that possible…if I was God I would definitely bless myself….unless you are already inherently blessed just by being God….my ears are bleeding…ahhhhhhh back to the point tangent king…..if I had any musical talent and knew four other guys to join me in a band we would definitely be called the Tangent Kings….or Anal Leakage….we could take a vote…..sfdogklglajk;sf kl;kl;sfalk sdgfkls dlks dklsdlk dsksdklsd/………………… …………………… ……………………………… …………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………

Sorry, too much blood to the head and I passed out onto the key board, not so bad except that I have a-s-d-f imprinted in my cheek now. Well hold on so I can re-read this post and get back on track, while you’re waiting maybe come up with words that rhyme with angel………..ok I’m back, hahahaha you actually tried to come up with angel rhyming words, just kidding, I’m proud of you, good job sport.

Well it turns out that Leggy Blonde works at the law firm next the Red Cross and as she was leaving work she saw me volunteering, and we talked about it. Seriously big-up to the God man.

She sat next to me on the bench as my buddy waited for me in the ab area. We talked and talked and talked some more. She then asked for my number and thought we should hang out sometime. I replied with this exceptional quip- “I would love to take you out to dinner, but I can’t unless you volunteer with me next Friday.” You see what I did there, I showed interest, told her I would pay, and then made it seem as though her charity and not her vagina was the penultimate prize, the piece de resistance.

She said yes.

The worst part of this whole ordeal is that 6:00 became 6:50 so quickly. Awww poor Einstein didn’t get to work out his abs, fark. My friend called me a bitch for picking a conversation with Leggy Blonde over the manly activity of working out.

I apologized to my hombre for morphing our workout time into Leggy Blonde time, but if I had to choose between abs and a hot blonde again, well let's just say that blondes will rule the day. The irony of this whole ordeal is that I workout my abs for women like Leggy Blonde, and now I chose talking to her over the abs. I was working out for women like her and yet she still ruined the workout in her hommage; weird isn’t it.