Vagina Monologues

Things that disgust me- because I am sure y’all definitely want to know.

So speaking of booty calls, oh we weren’t, well we are now, booty calls are slut-tastic. There is this girl, her real name is Melony, but my inner circle of friends call her Elvira. She has dark features- hair, eyes, heart, and hoo-ha. She comes when I call and I cum when, well you get it. We call her Elvira because she has satanic tattoos and we are under the assumption she drinks blood. She is a nurse in her “normal” job but I am pretty sure she steals souls during her night gig. I think she sleeps upside down. She is violent during sex,... she is actually violent 90% of time, aww my bruises hurt so bad. If she ever became pregnant she would birth her child standing up. I am honestly afraid of her, but the things she can do with her tongue is, well it should receive some sort of award.

Here is the disgusting part of this story. I have a decent razor, a quarto, and it leaves my face (and sometimes my chest) velvety soft. You could eat off them.

She used my razor to shave her, her…her menagerie. Her, wide open spaces. She shaved her vaginal regions with my face (and chest) razor. How am I supposed to react? I would have yelled at her but she is half banshee. When we kiss I get really cold inside my heart, but she is a great fuck, ahhhhhhhhhh what am I to do.

She is strictly a fuck and she knows this and since she is devoid of any form of a heart she has not and will never develop feelings for me. She is the quintessential booty call. This lovely situation took such an onerous turn for your hero. What else in my home has her vagina touched; I have a Sonicare pulsating toothbrush. My poor mouth. Just in case you are wondering if my mouth on its own volition ventured down under, the answer is a definitive no. Just because I shave my chest, sometime wax it, does not mean I munch box, well unless you count Amy Allen, but her vag smelled of fresh picked Lilacs, and it was soft as silk, ohhh Amy Allen, why did you become a lesbian, ummm where was I, oh yeah, Elvira.

Weak Moment Alert-

I love the fuck more than I love my razor, or my Sonicare, or any other potential vagina touched appliance. So I insinuated that I would prefer her not to touch anything in my apartment except for my cock, then she slapped me and left, ahhh fuck buddies.

I hate that bitch, I hope she doesn’t find out that I write this thing, just in case if I do not write an entry with in the next week call the authorities and inform them that Sexy Einstein has vanished because of the queen of the dammed, Melony, a hum, Elvira. By the by how weird is her spelling of Melony, freakin vampire.