Masturbation Nation

It was almost time for me to go home. The end was soooooooooo close that I could almost feel the post work masturbation session.

I walked in my front door and decided to jerk. Normal wanking can become quite tiresome so I have invented some techniques that liven things up a bit.

Random Hand:

I put on a glove or sit on my hand until it falls asleep and then wank. This makes it seem like I am not performing the wanking, some unknown woman is.

Spur of the Moment Wank:

Every single time a telemarketer calls me to refinance my home loan I wank. It is like random sex. Every time the phone rings it could be the beginning to a magical sexual adventure...for one.

Inappropriate Wank:

I mix around some of my pornographic DVD’s and put them in cases that they don’t belong. For example MILF hunter may end up in the case for “Forest Gump.” The if I randomly grab the Tom Hanks classic a porno will appear and wanking will ensue. Be careful with this technique because your mother may want to spend an afternoon watching Little Miss Sunshine and instead get a peek at The Best of Kobe Tai. Not good times.

Peeping Tom Wanker:

I will turn on the porno and then wank while peering from behind my couch or from around the corner. This is the forbidden wank.

I am fully aware that I may need some sexual intervention at some point but up until now I feel pretty good about myself. Uh oh phone call……got to go it’s a telemarketer.