can't be late
trick or treat, sweet thang
got anotha trick to meet
Chicka chicka yeah. I must have been MANstruating today, because I was definitely a tad bit on the insane side of the great divide between genius and insanity. Orrrrr I could be a little on edge as a result of last night's festivities.
SIDE NOTE: I keep a calendar marked with the menstrual cycles of
all the women I deal with on a day to day basis. Many find this as
neurotic to the point of psychotic; but the benefits reaped have been well worth the scorn I have received. This Blood Calendar keeps me abreast to the days and weeks I should avoid interacting with the owner of the bloody vagina. Avoiding the menstrual helps me to avoid unnecessary fights, bruises, and the rare responsibility of serving as a "shoulder to cry on." Trust me men; keep a Blood Calendar and you will keep your sanity
I had a dinner date with some work associates. We all went out to a sushi place to celebrate the completion of an imposing, and insanely difficult, assignment. There are about 20-25 individuals that work within the confines of our company's office walls. My team, however, has a group of about 10 and the rest of the employees make up the other team that reside in another wing of our building.
We were leaving the office and an individual from the other team asked My Work Friend and I if we would like to ride with him. I did not want to, but before I could spit out a reason not to My Work Friend said yes, for the both of us. He is a fuckin pushover.
The gentleman that asked us to ride with him is fuckin craaaaazy. The janitors created a nickname for him- Cide- I think the nickname is very cruel, but it is apropos. They call him Cide, which developed from Suicide, because he looks like a nutso, suicidal, unabomber, Jeffrey Dahmer, baby eater.
He looks like the guy that wears gloves inside of his own home.
He looks like the guy that drinks luke warm milk in the middle of a hot summer day.
He looks like the guy that cries during sex.
He looks like the guy that produced 2 girls 1 cup.
If you hadn't already guessed he is the computer scientist for the adjacent office. The computer scientist from our office is effin sweet, but he is not the norm.
I sucked up my pride and told my better judgement to take the night off as I manned the position of shotgun in his flea ridden car. His car had more Chicken McNugget boxes that Ronald MacDonald's office.
This is when it gets weird.
I buckled my seat belt and he turned to me and said this, and I am not exaggerating in the least bit:
"Do You Not Trust Me"
Its just a seat belt.
"I'm a good driver, please un-buckle your belt.
So I did.
As we pulled into the sushi bar he asked My Work Buddy and I for some gas money.
AHHHHHHHHH, YOU ASKED US TO RIDE WITH YOU.
In lieu of getting murdered and stuffed in a suitcase in Cide's basement I threw some money at him.
I really don't think I need to tell you how the evening ended.
I told Cide that my boss would give me a lift back to my car and I avoided that nut job like the plague that he was for the remainder of the evening.
2 comments:
i plan to read this in it's entirety tomorrow, but right now when i am shit-faced i only mad it to the part about you keeping track of bitch's periods...and it made me think that maybe i need a friend like you because when i went to the gyno the other day they were like, "when was your last period" and i was like, "um...uh...well, what's today? um, really you need to know that because i don't".
so yeah...that's what i am saying.
this has nothing to do with this post, but since there's no other means of contacting you and i have an overwhelming deserve to do so...here it is. we either have a telepathic connection, or i am psychic and knew what you were doing, or you are psychic and read my mind. earlier at work today i was about to go to your blog and i was thinking-damn, i wish he would change the shit. that fucking brown wallpaper-looking shit is heinous. then i went to your site and BAM...it was different. i was amazed.
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