My Brand New Cindy McCain

Cindy McCain was on Leno a couple of nights back. Y’all are very well aware of the vitriol I feel towards Johnny McCain. I even hated his Stepford wife Cindy, but not anymore.

I used to hate her, but then I got to know her.

Cindy was addicted to pain killers….I’m addicted to pain killers.

Speakin of drugs, do you think that if The Hanson Brothers had a drug problem they would make good music? Because I think they are one or two addictions or overdoses away from recorded the next Stairway to Heaven. No? Ok, Sorry, back to the story.

She lied to Jonny Mac about her age- she claimed to be 4 years older- and he never found out the truth until they signed the marriage license. Sneaky bitch.

When she first met Johnny Mac she thought he was creepy…..I always think Johnny Mac is a creep.

She secretly enrolled in flight school and attained her pilot’s license without Johnny Mac ever finding out.

SIDE NOTE: If this dude’s wife can enroll in flight school and fly planes on a regular basis without ever finding out, how can he be president? This senile worm of man is qualified to run this country; FUCK NO. I think the president should be very concerned about flight schools, don’t you.

She went to USC and her family has some coin. You think 40 years ago Cindy McCain was like Lauren Conrad and the rest of the ladies on The Hills. Because I sure do. Cindy was definitely clubbin and snortin coke while bangin Hollywood pretty boys and USC football players.

Cindy, you have changed my mind. I like you.