Smearing Pap Smear

My boss is an evil black magic woman. She made me do work today while I was trying to start an online war with my new arch nemesis- Pap Smear. While I was reading the comment Pap Smear left on my journal thingy my boss told me to do some mundane job, but in a very bitchy way. So I replied with this doozy

ME: While I’m out should I tell the monkeys to bring your broom around.

I was yelled at for a good five minutes but it was worth it because my co-workers now have even more respect for me than they did before. What my co-workers don’t know is that my boss and I actually get along real well so it really didn’t bother her that much.

Pap Smear seems to think that Biggy is better than 2Pac. I couldn’t fathom this response so in an attempt to clear my head and get my rebuttal ready I went down town and threw nickels at the poor people.

I love watching them fight over nickels, it's soooo cute.

I tried to delve into this 2Pac vs Biggy debate, but during my research Suge Knight’s name kept coming up, and I am afraid of Suge, so I will just drop the fight …for now. But remember this Pap Smear; 2Pac recorded Hit Em Up which is the greatest lyrical bitch slap known to man.

I just poured myself a Guinness as motivation to type more because my liver began to sing Celtic hits so I had to start drinking.

Since I live every week like its Shark Week I couldn’t just let Pap Smear, well Smear my good name. Did you see what I did there, I used her name as a verb, and it could be the title for an HBO documentary.

Pap Smear Smears Sexy Einstein.

Seeing it in print actually makes it look like the title to a porno, jeesh my life always leads me back to porn.

Well let’s get back to the crux of the matter, Pap Smear hypothesized that my actual name is Brad. Unless Brad is followed by the word Pitt it's a shitty name, sorry Brads of the world. My name is not Brad, I don’t have a name, I am an idea, a movement; I am the inspiration for Barack Obama’s campaign. Remember the song- A horse with no name, well I am that horse, except I am a man, a human man, not a male horse. Wow this whole paragraph is becoming far too confusing to follow, must escape……

Well sorry about the crap above this sentence, my point is that my name isn’t Brad.