My Shitty Night

I had to go to the emergency room last night. I had to get a multitude of vaccinations and shots; tetanus, influenza, diphtheria, pertussis, polio, syphilis, flu, bubonic plague, and a score of others.

Why you ask?

Is it because I was involved in the world's most grotesque orgy? NO

Is it because I am a champion at the fight club that takes place at the local meat packing plant? NO

Is it because I have not been laid by a human woman for about 3 months that I resorted to fucking female sheep? NO

Is is because I accidentally dropped my wallet into a porta-potty yesterday? Unfortunately YES.

I was at a festival last night and had my money clip in my hand as I walked into the dreaded portable potty. I set the clip on the plastic shelve covering the toilet paper. As I pissed I laid my head back and moaned in ecstasy. I heard something rustling to my left, but by the time I turned my head its descent into the pit of despair had already begun. I may have been able to grab it, but I was effing hammered.

I had to retrieve my money clip, with all of my I.D's and credit cards from the bowl of a porta potty- with my hands.

Then I collapsed and went into apoplectic shock and awoke in the emergency room, due to the diseased water I had to make contact with.

The worst buzz kill of all time.