My Survey to You

I receive thousands (ok I'm lying there were only 3) letters and emails requesting more information about my reclusive life style so here are some answers to a form questionnaire I found online. Welcome to the inner workings of my mind.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? The Bible....ha...kidding...I am reading Dubliners by James Joyce.

WHAT TIME IS IT NOW? 9:30

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? MY MOUSE

FAVOURITE BOARD GAME? Whenever I'm bored I drive downtown and throw change at poor people...oh not that kind of bored, well then.............Monopoly

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE? Rolling Stone

BABIES? No human babies, just this alien I found in the woods, I call it Miplap, it can levitate and turn water into milk.

FAVOURITE SMELL? Sex and success

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Sobriety

FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING? Who the fuck is this girl....this is a girl... (checking)...ok she's a girl...what is her name....how do I get her out of my bed.....I should leave and write her a note, fuck where is my pen.

FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Boy or Girl- I am naming it Fuckyou- imagine roll call in class if one of the student's name was Fuckyou.

FAVOURITE COLOUR? Pink (think about it)

WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE? Inner peace- hecks no- Sex, Booze, and Blowjobs

FAVOURITE FOOD! Sushi

IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I already play the violin, I know, I know, it is a ladies magnet.

YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? No- too stoned to drive fast

SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Yes, a real life squirrel, that I had stuffed serves as a paper weight on my dresser.

WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? A horse

WHO IS THE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO? Timmy- he was my imaginary friend up until 3rd grade. I wonder what he's up to these days.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Amaretto Sour

WHAT'S IN THE BOOT OF YOUR CAR? What the fuck is the boot of my car, is this survey in Old English, or am I just dumb as fuck.

DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? I eat broccoli stems and chew on weed stems.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? A drug dealer to the stars, for real.

EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Only with myself

GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? My glass is always full. My servants are quick with the refills.

FAVOURITE MOVIE? The Godfather and Bang Bus's Greatest Hits

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? I have a secretary that types with her fingers on the right keys, otherwise I deport her

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? A body and 20 dollars

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST AMBITION? To be able to do a handstand

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS? Inability to perform a successful handstand

IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD IT BE? The moon

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING? Underwear- except I never wear any underwear

BEACH, MOUNTAINS OR CITY? A beach city on a mountain

TECHNOLOGY OR ART? Art - photography

COMEDY OR HORROR? Comedy

FAVOURITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? Legs

FAVOURITE TIME OF DAY? The time of day I pass out. Passing out from a drug induced stupor, pure ecstasy, especially if the drug is ecstasy

THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT? What the fuck is a CD

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED? My Taint, with a woman's tongue

WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY? A strong mind that is attached to a strong body

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? 6 am

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE KITCHEN ITEM? A maid

WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY? People

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV? Vespa

DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE? I don't believe in life, so no.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SEASON? Fall. Not too sound too metro, but clothes in the Fall are so much cooler.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? The ability to make women fall in love with me just so I can break their hearts....or invisibility.

DO YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT? I have a penis tattoo on my penis.

CAN YOU JUGGLE? Just women.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE DAY? June

WHICH DO YOU PREFER SUSHI OR HAMBURGER? Sushi

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SOAP? Dove

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MEAL? I feel like I already answered this question.....ummm sushi and steak

IF YOU COULD TAKE A VACATION ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD IT BE? Salma Hayek's Pants